How the Netherlands is slowing me down

Not in a good way, though. Not like, stop and smell the flowers slowing down. Not like, simplify your life slowing down. No. Not even like, I could be doing great things but the Netherlands is holding me back! (Although it is, and I might write about that some other time.) No, it's more of a Borg thing: We drive slow. You will be assimilated. Resistance is futile.

<Sigh> Resistance is futile.

So today I received another fucking speeding ticket in the mail. My crime this time? 4 km/h over the speed limit. 4. For which I am being fined 33 euros. Seriously. And if I don't pay, it will go up, first to 46 euros, and then to 85 euros. I don't know what happens after that and I don't intend to find out. I will pay my ticket. And complain about it.

I understand that the speed limit is 50 km/h. Really. I might not agree with it, but it has registered. It's just this zero tolerance thing keeps biting me in the ass. In Canada, my general policy is not to exceed 20 km/h over the posted speed limit. I have, on occasion, exceeded this. Yet never in my 18 year driving career have I gotten a speeding ticket there. Granted, this may well have to do with the failure/banishment of photo-radar and the vast area that traffic cops have to police, but the fact remains. 18 years, relentlessly speeding, 0 speeding tickets.

Fast-forward to the Netherlands. Soon after getting my new car, I drove some friends to the airport. Two weeks later, I received a fine in the mail. 56 euros for 8 km/h over the 100km/h limit. That's what you get for doing someone a favour here. <Sigh> To be honest, I was surprised I was only going 8 over.

Then in the summer I drove with some friends to Castlefest. I thought I got 'flashed', but weeks passed with no fine in the mail; I thought I was home free! Then, almost 2 months later I come home one day to find the fine at the door. 46 euros for 6 over. <Sigh> You will be assimilated.

This time, I was driving with my parents to Delft to get a souvenir. 33 euros for 4 over.

You can see how the Borg Netherlands is winning, though. I am assimilating slowing down. The Netherlands is financially forcing me into the Dutch mold: compliant drivers who promptly pay their fines. Resistance is futile.

Ultimately, what is the real lesson to be learned here?
a. Assimilate! Resistance is futile!
b. Know where all the cameras are. This is an expensive learning process, but will allow for continued speeding.
c. Stop driving other people. Apparently fines only result when carrying passengers.
d. Move to Germany. Glorious land of the unlimited autobahn. Avoid the Borg Netherlands at all costs!

Failing

You know how I was trying to be positive? Well, I haven't written in a while because I'm having a hard time with that. I feel like I'm failing. So I've decided to write about that because otherwise this blog will just curl up and die... So as a bit of a warning, this will probably be a rant, and if you're one of those gentle souls that doesn't believe in negative feelings, stop reading now.

First of all, despite my contrived list of things I like about the Netherlands, the honest truth is that I hate it here. I've been here almost 8 years and despite my 'integrated' life, internally I seriously doubt that I will ever feel like I belong here. I am not Dutch. I will never be Dutch. The list of things that annoy me here on a daily basis overwhelmingly surpasses, exceeds and outweighs the list of things I like. Yes, there are good days and bad days. But if I consider my entire experience living here, I wonder how I even manage to stay another day.

Yet obviously, I manage to stay because I have a life here and I can't leave. Even when I had nothing to tie me down, picking up and moving to another country was difficult. And now I have a mortgage on a house that drops in value every year, amounting to a burden that is quite literally a cage keeping me here. I have a Dutch husband (for the moment. I can't say our relationship is terribly healthy righ now either) who refuses to leave the Netherlands for at least the next 20 years. Leaving the Netherlands means leaving him (or waiting until retirement). And I have a Dutch son. If I were to leave, husband and country, would I even get custody of him? And if I did, how would I manage?! I don't make enough money to support the two of us, and I quail at the thought of looking after him all by myself without ever a break. Although, I suppose if I were to return to Canada, even just to regroup, probably meaning staying with my parents, they would be able to help me out a bit in that area. But anyway. These are hypothetical. The reality is that I'm trapped here and I hate it.

I am stuck at home every day. Essentially the only people I ever see are my husband and my son. I take The Little Ninja to daycare in the morning, then sit behind my computer procrastinating/working/worrying about not having enough work all day. At 5:30, when The Recyclist brings home The Little Ninja, I basically have to have dinner on the table. That or face screaming from one or both of them. Then I look after TLN until he's in bed. I can either watch tv with The Recyclist in the evening, or be relegated to trying to read over the background noise of the cursed tv. There's only one living room and my only other option is to go upstairs. Where I sit all day.

I don't make enough money because I don't get enough work and because I get paid too little for the work that I do. Despite my years of experience (ever increasing!) my clients continually force my rates down. I earn less every year. So I worry about not getting enough work, because it means we have less income. And while my rates are being forced ever downward, prices for everything else are going up. I desperately need some time off to just unwind, but I feel guilty for every assignment I turn down because that's income we won't have.

I also hate my job. I procrastinate because I don't actually want to do the work. I'm bored. I'm always on the lookout for other jobs, but my options are limited to engineering in Rotterdam 5 days a week, or some local part time job. Neither option really appeals. I was looking at some schools to see if I could retrain to do something more hands-on. Sadly, even training to be a construction assistant (to hold the bucket of nails and fetch coffee) takes at least a year, full time. And there's no work in construction anyway. Rather pathetically, the apprenticeships, if I could get one (unlikely, given that: I am female, I am 'old' and would therefore cost more - minimum wage is age-based, construction hours are not compatible with daycare hours, and, again, there are no jobs) look like they would earn me more than I'm making now (as a translator/editor with a degree and six years' experience). But I would go out of my mind doing something so menial.

I'm trying to figure out what I could do to fix my situation. What hands-on job requires real thinking? Because I really miss having to think. I used to be really smart. Seriously. The lowest I have ever gotten on an IQ test was 140, (and I blame the noisy environment when I took it). I was always in the 'enhanced/gifted' class at school. I love solving problems. I love thinking and coming up with new ideas, new ways to do things. I am easily bored and crave something new. Not like new employer; more like new career. This is extremely difficult to facilitate in the Dutch labour market, where you need a piece of paper to qualify you to do anything. Seriously. Work at McDonalds? Hospitality certificate. Plant trees? Gardening diploma. Secretarial work? Secretarial diploma. And I don't actually want to do any of those things, certainly not badly enough to go get a certificate for it. Those papers also limit you. I have a mechanical engineering degree, which here only allows me to do mechanical engineering (in theory, interesting. In practice: boring). I have excellent English skills, something that, considering the standard of English here, should be prized more highly. My Dutch is about as good as any foreigner is likely to get. I want to work with my hands on something tangible. I thrive on change. I feel completely confined here. And though I keep on keeping on, I hate it. I'm dying inside.

To continue my rant, I feel completely unappreciated. And unheard. Invisible even. The only positive feedback I get from my clients is that they keep coming back to me. Despite this, they keep pushing down my rates, implying that if I don't lower my rates, they'll go to someone else... and I know they will, too.  My husband's every word seems to be criticism of something I'm doing or not doing. You know 'defensive driving'? I seem to be defensive living. People seem to literally not see me. I have to watch out for cars, bikes, even people walking - they'd run right over me. (Part of this has to do with the inconsiderate nature of Dutch people, which I can go into at length. Don't get me started.) I live a photoshopped facebook life that almost exclusively highlights the positive, and my Dad still had the gall to criticize me yesterday for swearing in a comment on someone else's photo.  I can't even fucking swear on facebook anymore? I didn't invite my family to be my facebook friends. I felt obligated to accept their requests. I don't want them on there. I want to be able to post things that they can't read. I carefully filter my life for them already when I talk to them. Now I have to censor facebook too, my one link to my friends around the world? I almost unfriended him, right then, but didn't, because it would be unfair, since he's stalking me through his wife's account and she didn't say anything. I feel like I can't even live my life truthfully. Everything has to be great to the outside world. But I'm so tired of faking it. Of lying. Hence the rant here; this anonymous blog is my sole outlet. Can't I ever be honest to actual people who know me? Don't I have the right to say that I am unhappy and discontent with my life right now?

Definitely a Weather God

There are a lot of signs pointing to me being a weather god. But definitely not in the good way. As I believe I mentioned before, I seem to attract rain. As temperatures seem completely out of my control, I suppose I should say precipitation. And my 'powers' kick in right when I want such precipitation least. And conspire to ruin my life. Or at least my plans. Like the snowstorm that made me cancel my appointment to pick up my new car. The one that I've been waiting months for, and secretly dreaming of for years. So I rescheduled. And what showed up in the forecast for the new date? Another snowstorm. Luck arranged that my dealer eventually dropped off the car to me at my house. (Yay! Snow or no snow, I wasn't looking forward to bussing over to the dealership.)

It's now been almost two weeks and I still haven't driven my new car. First I didn't have a car seat, so I was limited by The Little Ninja, but that arrived a week ago. No more excuses, right? We planned a maiden voyage to Oma's house for Saturday past. And wouldn't you freaking know it? Another cursed snowstorm! Seriously!

I know some of you (likely Canadians and Americans living in the northern states) might be wondering what all the fuss is. A little snow (and yes, trust me, it's not really that much snow) and I refuse to drive? What kind of Canadian am I, right? But clearly, you've never been here when it's snowed. There are maybe a couple of snowplows in the country, which operate (as far as I can tell) during business hours, only clearing the highways. There are more salt trucks, which do salt the main roads, but obviously these are insufficient to combat a storm of my making. I really wanted to pick up my car = 25 cm of snow. Continuing cold means that, two weeks later, the local roads are still covered with hard-packed, slippery snow. That I obviously don't want to risk driving on with my shiny, brand-spanking new Clio.

Is it just when I make plans? The more I focus on a particular day, the more precipitation we must get? Must I stop making plans? Or stop caring about the plans?

On the plus side, now that it's warming up, at least I won't have to stand in the rain waiting for the bus or the tram, or biking. Maybe this is why the weather fought me so hard on the car pick-up. The car is my ultimate win! As long as it doesn't freeze, the car will defeat my weather powers! Mwahahaha...

Leave No Child Inside: Holland edition

I am regularly appalled by the stories I read from North America, where there appears to be an alarming trend of children no longer playing outside, be it for safety, security, comfort or other reasons. So much so that there is an actual term for the negative effect of not connecting with nature: Nature-deficit disorder. And there are social movements to take kids back outside: "Back to Nature", "Leave No Child Inside", etc. I read blogs focusing on getting kids outside and promoting independent outdoor activity. Really, it shocks me that they ever left. Such a huge part of my childhood was spent playing outside, I really can't imagine it any other way. I don't want to. Anyway, my personal concern was that such a trend had spread to Holland, where I live.

But apparently, if it has, there are steps being taken to counter it. Just today, I received an envelope in the mail full of stuff about OERRR. I don't know if the letters actually stand for anything, but it's something like Leave No Child Inside: Holland edition. It's a foundation run by Natuurmonumenten (the Society for preservation of nature monuments in the Netherlands), and its sole purpose is to get kids outside! The envelope contained: a backyard nature poster, a card with activities for kids to do outside (in the current season), and a registration/donation form and return envelope.

Step out the door, welcome to the Wild!

And on the website there's even a chant-like thing (or Call of the Wild, if you will) they've created:

Roughly translated, it goes like this:

I am wild! I wander through the woods

I am happy when I smell the wet forest after rainfall.

I chase after butterfleis, I roll down the sand dunes.

I hear the roar of the surf.

I've gotten scrapes and bruises.

I conquer my fears, trust in others, and learn to persevere.

I swim in lakes and feel the weeds brush my legs

I jump over logs and make fires.

I get out of breath.

And I relax on a bed of moss.

I'm happiest when I'm in the place I know best:

Nature

Soon I'll speak in words,

eat with knife and fork,

I won't run across the grass anymore.

I won't shriek in the backyard.

I'll sit inside. Nicely.

I won't be amazed anymore.

For now I just ask one thing:

Give me the Wild,

for as long as it lasts.

The wild is the source of the nature monuments (and the foundation for their preservation).

I think that's a pretty potent poem, actually.

Aside from the huge waste of paper that makes the environmentalist in me cringe, particularly for all the envelopes going to families with no children, where they will likely land unopened in the recycling bin, I think it's a good movement. While the tree-hugger in me mourns the paper waste, however, I recognise the need to perpetuate the environmentalist movement as well. If the next generation doesn't appreciate Nature, well, then basically we're all doomed, as far as I'm concerned. So the part of me that takes a broader look at things (sees past the paper to the pretty pictures and words on it, if you will), applauds the vision and maybe even excuses the waste. And I registered The Little Ninja right away. I look forward to the free activity cards they'll send him four times a year and the things it'll inspire us to do and discover outside. 

Speaking of stuff to do outside, they have BAREFOOT WALKING TRAILS here. They're all on the other side of the country, but that's only a couple hours' drive away. They sound so cool. And fun. And now that The Little Ninja can walk, we're totally going to go next year. I'll write more about them then. :D 

Positive

In an effort not to hate Holland quite so much, I've decided to make a list of the things I like about it.

What's great about Holland (IMO):

• Incredible cloudscapes
• Bike lanes, bike paths, bike routes, bike traffic signals and signs, and the bike culture in general.
• Public transport
• Vacation (all 5 mandatory weeks of it)
• Part-time employment
• Maternity care
• Government-subsidised childcare
• Kruidnoten, especially the chocolate-covered variety
• Very, very long days in the summer

 Anything else?

Aaaand it's fall.

After a stunning close to the season with 31C on Saturday, fall came crashing in later Saturday night, with a violent thunderstorm. And we've had cool, rainy weather ever since. Yes folks, that was it. Two nice weekends and it's over.

Fall in the Netherlands is not like fall was where I lived in Canada. There the days stay sunny, for the most part, but the air begins to take on a crispness, especially at night, that turns the leaves bright colours. Here fall is really the rainy season, though there are those who might complain that that's summer. Fall weather, more than the rain, is known here for changing quickly and violently. It's not unusual to go through half-hour cycles of hard rain and then sun, with strong gusting wind the entire day. The temperature is cool, which is good because otherwise you'd be too hot in your rain suit, which you need for the gusting rain. Normal umbrellas are useless here. They break with the first use.

During the last storm, I walked through an umbrella graveyard. Broken, discarded umbrellas littered the square, metal skeletons poking out of garbage cans and heaped beside them; others lying forlornly along the side of the road, bent into tortured shapes only hinting at the violence that destroyed them.

But I digress. The point here is that fall has arrived, bringing its stormy, changing weather. We, however, are off to Canada in a few weeks to enjoy the pleasant fall weather there. And to introduce The Little Ninja to my family, but timing is everything. A little less rain and a few more leaves changing colour. Welcome autumn!

Wanted: Meteorologists

Despite the incredible faith the Dutch people have in their weather 'professionals', these 'experts' really don't know what they're doing. Sure, they can show where the clouds are moving right now on the radar map, but who couldn't?! I wonder how well - or if - these people are trained. I, for one, watched the Weather Network for an ENTIRE SUMMER one year - possibly during el nino - and am therefore a highly-trained weather guru. As is my brother, who somehow maintained control of the remote (probably because he woke up so damned early). I think we could take them.

Seriously, if they understood the weather half as well as they claim, you'd think they'd at least be able to make an accurate predication of, say, tomorrow's weather. I know, the weather is constantly changing. I don't trust next week's forecast; I don't even look at it. But tomorrow? Seriously, how hard is that?!

On Sunday, the week's forecast was roughly like this: Monday and Tuesday, rain and cool weather. Wednesday: clear, blue skies and hot. Thursday on: rain and possibly still hot.

If you recall, on Monday, I wrote about the start of summer. It was a warm, sunny day. As was Tuesday. Wednesday, however, had sun and cloud and a wind that made it cooler than Monday and Tuesday.

Every day this week, the forecast was wrong.

On Wednesday, I watched the news because I remembered that they had called for rain in the earlier forecast. The forecast for Thursday had changed to sun and cloud.

It rained. The. Whole. Day.

The forecast for Friday: cloudy and cool. It would definitely stay below 20C. It was sunny from the moment The Little Ninja woke me up until the sun set at like 9:00 at night.  From the moment I stepped outside it was obvious it would be much warmer than 20.

Clearly, the meteorologists in the Netherlands have NO IDEA what they're doing. Please help them. Could constant Weather Network, perhaps, be an option? Because either they need training or we need new people. Probably the latter.

Meteorologists wanted! Must be able to FORECAST THE WEATHER.

A change'll do ya good

This is so true. Especially for me. Because I am addicted to change. And since my husband, um... isn't, I don't get enough without going out of my way to do so.  So you can imagine that I might be getting frustrated with my walk to and from The Little Ninja's daycare, as the last 700m have been the same each way all summer. The first part I can vary, but that last bit is the same stretch of the same road, over and over, rain, heavy rain or cloud. (I wasn't kidding when I said summer just started yesterday.)

But today the soccer club next to the daycare had its first game of the season, and this opened up an alternate route that hasn't been available since the season finished in the spring. Instead of that same road again, afternoons when the club is open, I can take a pathway through the club, changing my entire route. It's a nicer route, too. I don't have to walk along the road at all, I can just stay on the bike/walking paths. Yay!

Other people, I think, could also do with a change. Doesn't anyone consider their facial expression when walking down the street or biking? Seriously, people, you're in public! Passing others constantly. How hard is it to have a pleasant expression on your face, if smiling and saying hello are simply too much to ask? Even in warm, sunny weather, the likes of which we haven't seen since May, almost everyone I passed today had a scowl on their face. Not very friendly, I tell you. Not terribly positive. I mean, I know Holland prides itself on its ability to complain, but seriously? It's pathetic and depressing. It was a beautiful day today. Smile! Enjoy the ride/walk. Greet your neighbours!

I realize that my friendly Canadian disposition will never really fit in here, and I'm not really expecting anyone to say hello (I learned that lesson long ago) but I think scowling is a bit excessive. I mean, not only does it make all the people you pass think that a) you don't like them and b) you're evil, but doesn't it also make you feel angry and upset as well? I tried to fit in in Russia with a scowl (even Dutch people have NOTHING on the negativity that is Russia), but I just made myself feel angry. Really people. Try smiling. A change'll do ya good.